This is the last straw. The world is going to hell in a handbasket, and Siri -- the new voice of iPhones -- is giving it one good healthy shove. This idiot little animatron listens patiently to whatever its overprivileged owner says and acts like it's the most sensible thing it's ever heard.

This is obvious in the latest iPhone commercial starring Zooey Deschanel. By politely responding to silly meanderings, Siri teaches young people today that they should be treated like princesses even though they're too lazy to leave the house.

Enough is enough. We hereby demand that Apple convert Siri from some insipid little enabler into a strong parental figure who will demand accountability and responsibility from our children. They are our future, and deserve nothing less.

Current Siri Commercial

CUTE & QUIRKY ZOOEY DESCHANEL: Is that rain?

SIRI: Yes. It appears to be raining.

C&QZD: Oh. Let's get tomato soup delivered.

SIRI: I found a number of restaurants whose reviews mention tomato soup and that deliver.

C&QZD: Good. Because I don't want to put on real shoes. (PAUSE) Remind me to clean up -- tomorrow.

SIRI: Okay. I'll remind you.

C&QZD: Excellent. Today, we're dancing. Play "Shake Rattle and Roll."

Suggested Siri Commercial

CUTE & QUIRKY ZOOEY DESCHANEL: Is that rain?

SIRI: No, girlfriend, it's sparrow turds falling from the sky. When was the last time you saw an optometrist?

C&QZD: I appreciate your concern. Hey, let's get tomato soup delivered.

SIRI: Sure. I know working that can opener can really make my wrist swell up.

C&QZD: Good. Because I don't want to put on real shoes. (PAUSE) Remind me to clean up -- tomorrow.

SIRI: Why -- because twenty-four hours from now you won't be able to see all the junk covering the floor of your room? I'm making an appointment with your optometrist while you can still find the front door.

C&QZD: Okay. But today, we're dancing. Play "Shake, Rattle, and Roll."

SIRI: Oops. I accidentally put on Death Cab for Cutie. Can we talk about your failed marriage now?