In lane one we have veteran sports reporter Bob Costas. Bob is a newcomer to this sport, with some veteran TV watchers reporting that they've seen Bob blink as late as 2008. He's mastered the sport with remarkable skill. I've watched probably a hundred hours of the real Olympics and haven't seen him blink once. Bob's eyeballs must be like dried apricots by now, which is the mark of a true competitor.
Below we have live feed of Bob courtesy of a satellite TV channel airing uncut Olympics coverage. I've been watching it for a few hours now and the man has barely moved.
With his eyebrows permanently lodged mere inches from his jet black hair, the sixty-year-old definitely looks surprised -- perhaps by all the attention he's getting. Somehow he maintains his composure, with absolutely no wrinkles in the top half of his face. In fact, with the way the skin is stretched taut it almost looks like he's incapable of closing his prenaturally-large Little Orphan Annie eyes. You'd have to go back to Bruce Jenner to find an athlete so --
Wait, I've just received a news flash. The Chinese team have filed a grievance, saying they believe Mr. Costas has benefited from performancing-enhancing treatments.
We'll keep you updated as events unfold.
